Family Blog

I had the privilege of doing a comprehensive Serving Leader course through one of my jobs. Honestly, at the time I did not love the course – it took time for me to appreciate the content. One of the the concepts I adapted to slowly but now is a part of my life, is the process of rounding. In rounding each person has a timed amount to talk and during that time no one can interrupt. The conversation continues around to each person without questions or other interruptions until everyone is done. 

Shortly after practicing it at work it became glaringly apparent that our dinner table was just a whole bunch of loud talking and not a lot of listening. So, we adapted a serving leader approach. Each kid shares a good thing and a bad thing from the day. (Usually they also ask to each share a silly thing which adds a nice amount of dinner-time giggles). Someone starts and everyone has to listen. Then we move around the table to each member of the family. It is truly a skill to listen without interrupting and certainly isn’t the easiest to learn. We have a long way to go before there is a dinner without any interruptions, but it has taught my kids to listen and wait their turn to speak – a skill that will serve them well in life.

One of the biggest struggles we face – and I know we are not alone – is managing screen-time. In the summer we don’t face the same problem because the kids are outside. But winter is another story. We all want to go in and hibernate in the dark, including the kids (unless there is good sledding and/or snowman snow – then they are outside for every minute they can be). We were battling the screen-time balance all last winter and I felt like I was always the one losing. Behind in homework. Late to bed. Tears over shutting off the T.V. or game system. A mother mentioned to me that she does no T.V. or games Monday thru Thursday, and all I heard was genius. No nightly battles to shut it off, no stretching 1 hour into 2 or 3 (I am easily distracted and my kids know it), more family interaction, more focused homework time. 

So we started no-electronics-Monday-thru-Thursday with the start of the school year. Not an easy adjustment, but done now and part of the norm. I do allow music, but no T.V., video games, or non-school computers. The simplicity of “no” instead of arguing over number of hours has added a little bit of peace to our crazy world. Don’t get me wrong, we are still running around like mad people trying to keep up – but it gives us a little more time and a lot more interaction.

What we learned.

1. It works best as “no”. Not a little bit, not an hour. Just “no”.
2. I had to hide remotes, electric cords, and portable electronics for a while until they gave in and accepted. Now that they are used to it, we don’t have to hide access as much (but never fully let your guard down. These are children. They sense weakness and attack).
3. I thought the teens could be exempt, but was wrong. They need help with the electronic balancing also – probably more than the younger kids. I’ve found they interact with everyone much more and I remember how fun and witty they are without their noses stuck to their phones. They are getting an hour a night of phone, and need their computers for school. But no binge You-Tube or Netflix.
4. Bonus: I feel relaxed about Friday night movie night at home, and the kids love waking up Saturday morning and getting to play video games. I don’t feel guilty because the total screen time for the week is still well below recommended screen time. Yeah!

In our world of pressure to try to do and be everything, I find I am spending more and more effort trying to simplify. Sounds like an oxymoron, and I think it is – but putting the initial effort in, leads to quality free time in the end. Here are 5 ways we have simplified:

1. Reduce the number of present expecting events. We dropped out of the race to have each child’s birthday more and more Pinterest-dly extravagant each year. Every child has a party with immediate family, and several, but not all, have a friend party. But I don’t compete with other parents to have the best party. We have a small party aligned with our child’s interest.
2. Keep Christmas reasonable. Our’s has been three presents per kid, plus one Santa present. But again, we do not compete with others. It is confusing to our kids when others get a T.V., computer, and game system from Santa, and mine get a guitar…..but I explain that Santa only brings what he knows parents will approve of.
3. Create a reasonable sports activity plan for your kids. Last year our lives were too busy to have all five of the younger kids in soccer. So they weren’t. My guilt was somewhat overwhelming, but then I realized there was something magical about having an evening or two that you aren’t rushing off to something. We had more time to just be. And talk. And catch up on homework/bills/cleaning. They are still in sports, but I don’t have the same obsession with filling every season.
4. Purge regularly. ….I am not great at this. I am a hoarder at heart from a long line of hoarders on both sides of my family. Each hoarder is balanced by a thrower-outer (Marty is a thrower-outer). But, I have learned to thin out clothes at season changes, give away toys at least quarterly, only keep school projects that are truly memorable, and handle bills as they come in. Simplified, but not overwhelming to me.
5. Have the whole family participate in Saturday or Sunday cleaning and clothes prep, and start the week strong and confident. We try and keep a chore schedule during the week but honestly, by Friday my house needs work. At least the weeks start out clean and organized.